Monday, April 21, 2014

A Tale To Tell

He trudged up the steps,his breath labored and ragged.A long day, a long hike up the stairwell to a house,miles away from home. The plastic bag crinkled in the emptiness as the cold bottle of sugary water rolled along with other such and such.

He fumbled with the keys at the door. How were there so many keys on the ring? The set of keys were a sign of his coming to age,his first real taste of responsibility from a youth that had long since passed him by.Keys truly represent the path a man has traveled,despite the number of times you may replace one key on the ring,there will always be another from your past,locked in the ring,never to be used again. A key to a door that has long since been closed to you and will never be opened again.

As the door opened to a hot,humid apartment,he flung the bag into the dark in the general direction of the couch. The lack of a resounding crash in the silence reassured.

Silent. Not a sound.

An eerie feeling came over him as he turned and flicked at the switch board in a random sequence. Eventually the light flickered and the fan began to play its song,a record of hope followed by misery.As it blew over him,the sweat on his skin gave him a cold moment of respite as it evaporated,stealing a moment of heat from him.But it was hope,followed by misery.

He had caught his breath,but the light hadnt,as it flickered and failed to catch still.

He sank down in to the ground and reached for a joint he had rolled before he left,a pre dinner snack he made in anticipation of a day like this.

It seemed like everyday was a day like this.

Sparks flew in the only relationship he truly enjoyed being in as the first drag of green and tobacco dragged into his lungs like a wave gently caressing the shore. He closed his eyes and savored the taste of earthy smoke before he exhaled and blew out a single circle,tinged in yellow.

The light flickered once more and died out as the fan twirled its final pirouette.


The voice came from a true source,beyond what his eyes could catch in the sudden dark.

"I know you...",he called out into the dark.

A dark figure loomed and made its way towards him. It sat down across from Ishmael and settled itself. Ishmael took another deep drag and a face appeared in the red speckled glow. A face and a smile.

"Hello Cheshire"

Cheshire nodded and looked at him intently. He made no attempt to speak and seemed content to sit with a shadow of a smile playing on the edge of his lips.

Ishmael felt obliged to bring up something that had just occurred to him.

"I heard you were dead,old friend."

Cheshire nodded slowly and spoke.

"Now you know why I haven't been writing to you, but I apologize all the same."

Ishmael smiled.

Silence ensued for a few moments as the air became heavy with smoke.

Suddenly Ishmael looked.

"Where are my manners? Here we are after so long and I haven't even offered you a drag,a piece of hospitality!"

Ishmael extended his hand,the smoke twirled around it,wreathing it in a hazy glove.

Cheshire's smile faltered for a moment,as his eyes captured the grief of his everlasting soul.

"My story has come to an end,Ishmael.My choices had taken me to many places and many people. I have lived a good story,one of humor and adventure,passion and desire and a pinch of foolhardiness. My tale,like yours, was one borne of my choices. But it has come to an end. I cannot make anymore choices,therefore I cannot take my story further forward.For me,it ends tonight. A final choice. To talk to you,my old friend,lost to me in the ever shifting sands of our lives."

"Stop being a dick,Cheshire."

A flash in the dark as Cheshire smiled.

"Alright,Ishmael. I'm here to talk.So lets talk"

Finally,after what seemed an age,Ishmael withdrew his hand and his offer and took a drag as he pondered the words of the one who stood before him.

"How did you get in,Cheshire?"

Cheshire sighed into the darkness.

"Ishmael. I have come across space and time,through portals and dimensions and incurred the wrath of many an ethereal being to be here,in front of you,right now. And the only thing you care to ask me is how I entered your disgusting old house with its one lock and no alarm system?"

If Ishmael could see him,he would've been confused by the look of incredulity on the face of his guest. It was a question borne of innocence and a drug addled mind.

"Why don't you answer the question,Cheshire?"

"You really want me to answer that?Even if I told you that i have the answer to all the questions in the Universe but you can ask me only one,would you still ask me that?"

"Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Have all the answers and stuff?"

"Ain't nobody got time for that."

"Well then answer away,Cheshire!"

"Alright Ishmael,you left the door unlocked."

"Why do ghosts need doors?"

"It seemed improper to barge in through the wall. And the door was open.So I walked in."

"Fair enough."

The glow had subsided during this exchanged and the embers had fluttered into ash. Cold silence,as Ishmael fumbled for fire.

"Are you here to haunt me,Cheshire?"

A soft chuckle drifted through the dark,spooky and yet reassuring.

"No,Ishmael.I'm here to talk to you about your story."

"I haven't written in years,Cheshire.Not since an age and a half."

"The story of your life,Ishmael.The legacy you leave behind,the tale by which all that love you will remember you by.Every single person in the world,from conception to death is creating a story.The choices we make,the ideas we have contribute to that story.Some are tales of great bravery and self sacrifice,some of business acumen and artistic prowess. But not all stories written are tales to be loved by the masses and adored by millions. Most are the smaller and simpler tales,of the common and everyday. But even these are stories that will be cherished by loved ones and people whose lives have been touched.You see we're all just contributing to this massive diary of our kind. We're each a footnote or a verse or a phrase in it,but we still are a part of its constant evolution.And there is more to your story than you've offered so far."

Ishmael took another deep drag and closed his eyes as floated away. When he spoke, his eyes were still closed and his words were true.

"You sit across and judge me in my own home,Cheshire?Mine is not a story of tragedy and the rise of a man above the chains of adversity,but it my tale to tell.I am a good person.I do no harm to others and live my life by no rigid code.I don't judge people for their color,religion or creed nor do I hate or incite hatred. I journey through this misery as one of billions but I walk with no regrets.Yet you choose to come here and preach?Pray,tell me why I should take advice from a ghost."

"Do you really want to measure your life against such low standards?",said Cheshire."Is that the most you want?Living it to its minimum when greatness could be yours?I see it in you,Ishmael,even as you wither away into the smoky abyss."

Ishmael's eyes flashed open as he is torn from his reverie."Do you know what tempers greatness in a person,Cheshire?",he spoke,his pain bleeding from his voice as he went on,rage and disappointment building in him in equal measure.

"Life.Life tempers greatness.Going through the motions of each day,bound by society,told what to do and what is proper.Life chokes everything out of you.Dreams and aspirations are bled out through a slow drip that gathers pace as you tumble through each day.You settle for less,for the normal and the ordinary.Speak not to me of greatness,Cheshire.It has passed me by."

He slumped forward,his head in his hands as the truth blazed through him. The smoking end dropped from his fingers.

It was a while before Cheshire spoke,his voice kind and caressing.

"It's never too late Ishmael.Fulfill your desires,dream your dreams and reach out once more.Do not settle for mediocrity.I was sent here for this,trust me when I tell you Life still has yet to experience you."

Ishmael raised his head.Cheshire's words were still ringing in the darkness.He smiled as he looked at his old friend and rose from his seat.

"I can only try,Cheshire. But thank you. Thank you for hope."

Ishmael walked away,through the door and into the night,to a destiny that awaited him.Not written,but to be forged by his own hands,one word at a time.

Cheshire wiped the particulates of sweat off his forehead with the sleeve of his shirt.The heat was stifling.He felt encased and trapped in it.Being hot boxed in a stuffy flat had left him feeling light headed.He got up and fumbled for his car keys.

So many keys on a single ring. Each a brick on the path that had been traveled so far.

He had turned towards the door when he stopped himself.He went back and reached down.The end was still smoldering as he raised it to his lips. His lips were bitten by the heat as the cardboard came closer to the ember,but he inhaled deeply anyway.Cheshire held his breath as he stubbed it out for the last time,crushing it beneath his fingers.Finally he exhaled a thick cloud,and a circle at the end.Smoke,tinged yellow.

And Cheshire flashed an Evil Grin,
And Cheshire was off into the Night Again.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

a night with friends

Trapped in reality,away from the comfort of my dark desires.
I stand amongst them,mingle and recede.
Idle conversation,
ebb and fade.
Over and under,burn and fade.

Immersed in music,only to stay away.
Idle conversation,pretend to sway.
Reach for dark,give up and give in.
Smoke and circles,burn and inhale.

Saturday, April 12, 2014


This is not a work of fiction.

This is me talking to you,reader.


I'm alone and i have no one else to talk to.

And I'm afraid.

Let me start from the beginning.

I moved into this house about 3 years ago. I was trying piece my life back together after a collection of bad decisions.I needed a fresh start.I looked at a few houses,but time was short and money was i settled for a very old and dilapidated flat,just outside a slum.I moved in by myself to make sure I wouldnt revert back to my old lifestyle.

The house was old,twenty odd years,give or take.And it was quite creepy.My friends didnt want to come over despite it being close by college and comfortable.The furniture was as old as the house itself,though bits had been renovated.

The first thing I had noticed was this black doll hanging from a nail above the door. Being as atheist as they come,I got rid of it.I didn't do it to incite some response from the other world, it just was just very creepy and disturbing. It had gathered dust and had this tiny white smile which I couldn't stand.

So I threw it away.

The second source of the chills that are doing the two-step on my spine is a large black pot with a white cloth covering the mouth.It sits atop my kitchen shelf.I've never seen whats inside and I never will.

Now the house had a reputation for being creepy. A few weeks after moving in a friend dropped by and was shocked.See he knew the previous tenant.An old classmate of his used to live in the same apartment.

He used to be normal. But two years after staying in this place and mouthing caressing the trigger to that Ganja Gun,he had mentally deteriorated.Paranoia had set in.

I was cynical.

I laughed it off and didnt give it a second thought.

Now this where it gets weird.

The regulars will know from reading some of my previous works, a very long relationship I was in came to an end recently. I was affected by this deeply. The woman was a source of light in a very dark place.With her I was different.There was no more darkness in me I had to channel.

Bane had been banished.

With the end of that,my darkness consumed me again,caressed me in its sweet embrace,welcomed me back into its bosom.I plunged into its icy waters and drowned in its viscous pool of hate,fear,pride and celebrated my despair.

But things changed,Reader.

It became too dark.

It started around 10 days ago.One night as I lay in bed,I heard a loud thud.A big thick hardcover book of letters Jawaharlal Nehru had written Indira Gandhi had flown off the shelf and landed halfway across the room. I was puzzled but my mind insisted there must be some rational explanation.

A day or two later,while i was eating a bowl of Maggi I got a call and placed the food into the microwave.20 minutes later,I open up the microwave and the smell overcomes me.As I force down the rising bile and close the door,I steal a glance.There mustve been a hundred maggots crawling out of the bowl.They were reaching into the air for sweet escape. This incident shook me,but I chalked it down as just another side effect of the clean life I lived.I resolved to change things around.I cleaned everything in the house twice over,scrubbed the microwave clean and promised myself that this wouldnt happen again.

Three nights ago, I was pacing around my house, studying for my exams.It was past the witching hour,when no one else is there on the internet to throw me off.As I walked past my kitchen I heard the sound my very heavy gas cylinder being dragged against the floor.It lasted for around 4-5 seconds.The sound is unmistakable.

Are you wondering what dragged it,reader?

Well I didnt stick around to find out.

Yesterday morning I bought one of those Scotch-Brite scrubs to clean the dishes.While scrubbing a plate last night,I was shocked by a most foul and rotten stench.I looked down at the plate and there were dozens of maggots crawling out of the pores of the scrub and onto my hand.

I don't know where this is going.

I'm writing this here because I feel so very alone.

In three years living here,ive never felt this way.

The only thing that has changed in my life is her.

I feel eyes on me.

The sound of the phone ringing,and I break into cold sweat.

Fear has taken me.

A voice on the other end,explains everything.

There is no way out.

I can never leave.

Friday, April 11, 2014

A little toe tapper if you will.

A little while ago Cheshire was asked by a local DJ to write sample lyrics for a song he wanted to produce. Since the Cheshire is not an avid fan of the EDM genre, he was unaware of what electronic dance music lyrics really went like. What kind of themes do they even follow? They just seems to be vague synonyms of fictitious euphoria. Nevertheless , the DJ mentioned he wants the song to revolve around general happiness. pfft..
"Uhh,sure.I'll try to write something...."

Please use this picture as a visual aid for the lyrics.


Over the water
float on my reflection
under the dusk light
she longs for affection
a sense of relation

Hazy shadows drawing the line
a burst of excitement 
trace your self with the sunlight
it's ecstasy, you fall behind.

Nothing you need can let you be
trailing along the narrow sea
she's still barely afloat
barely needing to be free

They hold her down to the ground
in a soft love painted room
but in this one of the many bends.
it's all smiles with a crooked  end.

*music plays*

So basically it's a song about a woman who seems to be in a scenic location staring into what seems like euphoric contentment . But it's just her way of mentally escaping into her happy place while in reality she is in a brothel being held against her will and forced into non-consensual sex. 

*music still playing*

Not every EDM song lyrics relate to anything specific, just circling around the refusal to recognize the existence of unpleasant realities. But the Cheshire thought, " Not this one".

*music blaring*

"Now imagine people dancing to it...."

*crowd cheering*

(Needless to say, the song was never made)


Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Champagne Shimmer

Big Lights Glimmer,
Champagne Shimmer
Melt away your Face

Move in Closer,
Caress that Trigger
Let me Blow you away

Cocaine Dreams and Ecstasy,
Facebook Posts and just one more Selfie

Words all Slurring,
Old Monk Preying,
Drown in Debauchery.

Hash tag, places,
Updated Status
and now accepted Socially.

Now your smile is plastic,
but all askew
Just drop another needle
and maybe they'll like you.

Till then,Follow me
Through the Champagne shimmer
and lets find that Promise,
That Shine,
That Hope...
And lose our way back home.

So I Hold You Closer,

Beautiful now,more than ever
But You know Me.
If all else fails,
All I wanna do

is Burn


Tuesday, April 1, 2014


This is my moment.

Old episodes of Seinfeld. Empty packets of crisps.

I reach for a lonely cigarette.

You would never leave me,would you cigarette?I light up,no regrets.Lifes too tiresome to live it by following the rules.

Eating healthy.

Your disgust tires me. Bore someone else with your sermons,preacherman.

As death fills my lungs with her smoky kiss,I reflect.

I can be more.Surely, I can do more.

I've got nowhere to go but up,right?Even my most lightest of efforts would be like friendly Neil jogging on that space rock.


This is my moment.

The Here.

The Now.

I can be Everything.

I reach for another cigarette.

Maybe tomorrow...




The Thought Train has Derailed.

Afloat on this notably large but astronomically insignificant sphere, we rush through the abyss.
'We are picking up speed Captain '.
Yet of all the things we can hold on to in this coarse ride, this ludicrous bunch grips on to the slipperiest of things in the known lacuna,'Time'. They try to wrap and fasten it around their wrist, this ignorant lot. 
The last thing I want is to be restricted by this flimsy entity. I'd rather be restricted...nay...directed by sentiments. Sentiments are subjective thou. But imagine sentiments powered by rationality. 
Imagine if reason did prevail...

"Hold me closer", she whispered into his left ear. He slid his arm across her back till his fingers hooked on to her hip. "It's awfully cold today", she said clenching her jacket and facing the peak winter freeze. He smiled at her and nodded in agreement.
"I can't take this cold anymore, won't you do anything to make me feel warm?". 

He smiled again.Kissed her forehead. Steady slid his right hand inside his jacket pocket and pulled out a jet lighter.
"I hope this helps darling", he said with a smile of everlasting affection.
And sets her jacket on fire.
She smiled back as she was slowly combusted by his love.
(Hold the tears)

Only when you accept your insanity can you be considered to be sane. Such is the nature of being. Since everything, including your thoughts will one day dissipate into nothingness. For entropy is the only true God.
And all this is just a ride.

Hi, I'm Cheshire.