I opened my eyes as the world lit up around me, and took in a long slow breath of mountain air, sharp, cold, and enough to send a rush to my head. As I stepped out of my tent, my first act was to peer down into the chasm that lay in front of me, earth torn away as if by a Titan in the first days of creation, the jagged maw rising towards the sky, surrounded by the frosty caps of the Himalayan mountains.
As I moved to fish my canteen out of my tent, the wind blew through the grass fields in front of me, ruffling my hair and rustling the long stalks, sending the crystalline dew into a frenzy of movement, each drop a diamond, cut and polished.
I unscrewed the canteen and took a long swallow. As the spring water, salty from the earth, flowed through me, it sent the feeling of ice forming on my insides that only cold water (or copious amounts of mint) could do.
I stepped close to the chasm, and felt the breeze on my skin and the warmth of the sun on my face. I smiled.
It was another beautiful day.
P.S. -Given an option I wouldn't write stories like this, but the Empath threatens me with my own sense of monotonous repetition, thus I am forced to. As far as I'm concerned any good story has one of three things
1)Death
2)Insanity
3)Addiction of any kind.
But I figured I'd try the fluffy bunny rabbit approach for once to see where it got me.
Do Comment.
personally, youre better off with the dark stuff.
ReplyDeletethis, this just seems like copy-paste from a chick-flick. with a few fancy words.
I think the last line, "another beautiful day", is buried in layers in sarcasm. I just hope that isnt the case.
ReplyDeleteIt was a refreshing change, nonetheless :D Oh and comparing with a lot of other writings (Inkblot excluded) ..this has nothing fluffy bunny rabbit.
ReplyDeleteTrue enough.
ReplyDeleteAnd it was a refreshing change writing this though, gave me a chance to flex muscles I've never used before, you know?
Haha.
ReplyDeleteoh and the piece....izz naice....izz just like a little literary exercise....but its refereshing with an interesting last line.
ReplyDeleteActually no. The story is more based on my tenure in Ladakh. So it's all kind of true actually.
ReplyDeleteAnd in a rather rotund female, and you'd have it down to a T.
Add* in
ReplyDeleteNot fluffy at all. Nice. Everyone says they're better at dark stuff. Know why? Because it's easier to write. Try coming up with happy, bright things without sounding like an excitable evangelist. It's a huge challenge. And you have met it well.
ReplyDeleteSun "peaked" or "peeked"?
haha....dark is always easy. its easier to have a sudden death of the protagonist than to make him struggle and achieve his goal in the short time of a short story.....
ReplyDelete