Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Drought of Ideas

Is blood flowing through your veins
All that matters now ?
You're body being whole and healthy
All that you care about ?
You're not ill, not sick.

Yet deep inside, Inside your head
That nothingness fills instead.

Where are new ideas ?
Where are those thoughts ?
You people just sit there
All day, until you rot.
Get up, use that brain.

Take the time, and think my friend.
Light up that goddamn bulb inside your head.

15 comments:

  1. I think this could have been better said. The gist of this is relevant but I am not so sure about its expression.
    I would look at reworking lines such as
    "you people just sit there..."
    "light up that goddamn bulb in(side) your head"
    And I'd mind the typos :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Relax, i wasnt attacking you or your writing. And Indeed it is sandhya, but cheap shot, zero. My name has no relevance here. There is a point to handles and psuedonyms. Too bad no one taught you to respect that.
    yes, we all tend to do stuff that's easier for us. That's why there's so much mediocrity around. And if that's what makes you happy, good for you :) Besides what gave you the idea i asked you to change anything? I just said i'd do it differently. When you put up writing in public, man up and be ready to take criticism. That said, ill remember you can't and now on skip your writing.

    ReplyDelete
  4. zero. nikhil right?...uncool to reveal names in this world. seriously. didnt expect that.
    and she never asked u to change anything jeez. just gave some constructive criticism. jeez.
    relax man. jeez.
    jeez.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Dammit guys. Respect identity.
    And Zero, she's giving us critical analysis on most of our work, man. Appreciate it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'd just like to interject here.
    Penis.
    Continue.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Zero, The Wanderer : I am just someone who loves to write and in turn appreciates good writing. Fortunately for me, I also have an eye for what works and what doesn't where writing is concerned, usually. I didn't mean harm or to sound condescending or whatever. I only started commenting on your work because there's so much promise in here. Besides, I assumed if you didn't want feedback, you wouldn't have put stuff up on a blog.
    Ishmael : You're hilarious :D

    ReplyDelete
  8. Zero in life also.....phahahaha

    ReplyDelete
  9. This piece has a lot of thought into it. Good work.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Seriously? This piece is full of grammatical and spelling errors. Even though this piece speaks to a good idea, your shitty writing skills has ruined it.
    1. Is blood flowing through your veins
    All that matters now ? Should have been-
    Is THE blood flowing through your veins
    All that matters now?
    2. You're body..... well, i really hope you know what's the error there.
    3. You're not ill, not sick.
    Two of the same negatives in a sentence does not work. It should have been-
    You're not ill, NOR sick.
    4. Yet deep inside, Inside your head
    Instead of two insides'; Yet deep inside your head, would've definitely had a greater poetic effect.
    Lastly, go easy on the commas. You use them like they are about to be extinct or something. And like The Restless Quill said above, the last two lines are just terrible. Upgrade your vocabulary if you want to create good pieces.
    Call me anal, but if you want to put up writing that everyone can view, at least make sure that you get the basic things right. Have a nice day.

    ReplyDelete
  11. your shitty writing skills *have* ruined it.
    I see a kettle, and wow, it's black.

    ReplyDelete