So from Valley to the Road I walked away
I did knowing you’d come back someday.
For we’d shared together inky skies
But you ran, Lady, fed me lies;
(A binding I couldn’t tear loose
Beautiful, yet that which I never did choose)
What, you think I’d Forget?
But time, Time isn’t one for Regret.
Stay with me, Lady Stardust.
Wanderer, what would you change in this piece?
ReplyDeleteAgain, your strength is rhythm. It's not easy to rhyme without sounding like an idiot. You're working pretty well. But I am sure you noticed the rhythm, which gives this a lyrical quality, crumbles in the last line.
Any reason you use "valley" and "road"?
I can't decide whether I like this.